Poem for the Inauguration



I hope I’m wrong,

so wrong my name becomes slang

for a tragic blunder

as in, “Custer sure pulled a Wesick

at the Little Bighorn!”


I hope jobs return to the rust belt

and displaced workers

will now buy gold-plated mansions

and endow professorships at Harvard.

I hope the new president’s tweets

scare the beards off ISIS

and that from now on all terrorists

will come with big letter T’s

tattooed on their foreheads.


I hope greenhouse gasses

bring back the black rhino

and mountain gorilla.

I hope charter schools

turn out so many 14-year-old Ph.Ds.

that the Nobel committee goes bankrupt

from awarding all the prizes.

I hope the free market

lowers the cost of heart transplants

and cancer treatment to $1.95.


I hope doctors determine cake and ice cream

make the most nutritious breakfast

and that playing video games

burns more calories than running.

I hope high school students don’t need algebra

for high-tech careers and that cheerleaders

want to sleep with guys who can’t dance.

I hope I really can earn $100,000

by working 3 hours a week from home.

I hope our new president

rekindles the American dream.


This poem previously appeared on the New Verse News website.

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