I have a crowd-funding campaign to publish my short-story collection, The Alchemist’s Grandson Changes His Name. Check it out.
I paid 10 pesos to take this picture of Lauren with the llama in Santiago. As we were walking away, the llama’s owner came running after us waiving a 10-peso bill and yelling “Falso!” He said I paid him with counterfeit money so I gave him another 10. Only later did I realize he’d swapped my original, real 10-peso bill with the counterfeit one and conned me out of another 10.
I think Emerson said that nature balances living beings’ character and abilities. Consider the shark. Small ones are vicious while the 20-foot whale shark eats only plankton. Aggressiveness and the ability to cause mayhem tend to balance. Fortunately, the same holds true with people. I’ve known several 200-pound weightlifter types but all had sweet dispositions.
I suggest keeping this in mind when naming a dog. Balance the name’s machismo the viciousness of the breed. Attila the Corgi and Cuddles the Pit Bull would be in harmony while Daisy the Yorkie or Heinrich the Doberman would not.
The Journal of Humanistic Mathematics published my article on the statistics of submitting poems and stories to small-press journals. To download a copy go here.
I hope I’m wrong,
so wrong my name becomes slang
for a tragic blunder
as in, “Custer sure pulled a Wesick
at the Little Bighorn!”
I hope jobs return to the rust belt
and displaced workers
will now buy gold-plated mansions
and endow professorships at Harvard.
I hope the new president’s tweets
scare the beards off ISIS
and that from now on all terrorists
will come with big letter T’s
tattooed on their foreheads.
I hope greenhouse gasses
bring back the black rhino
and mountain gorilla.
I hope charter schools
turn out so many 14-year-old Ph.Ds.
that the Nobel committee goes bankrupt
from awarding all the prizes.
I hope the free market
lowers the cost of heart transplants
and cancer treatment to $1.95.
I hope doctors determine cake and ice cream
make the most nutritious breakfast
and that playing video games
burns more calories than running.
I hope high school students don’t need algebra
for high-tech careers and that cheerleaders
want to sleep with guys who can’t dance.
I hope I really can earn $100,000
by working 3 hours a week from home.
I hope our new president
rekindles the American dream.
This poem previously appeared on the New Verse News website.