This Llama is a Con Man

I paid 10 pesos to take this picture of Lauren with the llama in Santiago. As we were walking away, the llama’s owner came running after us waiving a 10-peso bill and yelling “Falso!” He said I paid him with counterfeit money so I gave him another 10. Only later did I realize he’d swapped my original, real 10-peso bill with the counterfeit one and conned me out of another 10.

Dog Names and Nature’s Balance

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I think Emerson said that nature balances living beings’ character and abilities. Consider the shark. Small ones are vicious while the 20-foot whale shark eats only plankton. Aggressiveness and the ability to cause mayhem tend to balance. Fortunately, the same holds true with people. I’ve known several 200-pound weightlifter types but all had sweet dispositions.

I suggest keeping this in mind when naming a dog. Balance the name’s machismo the viciousness of the breed. Attila the Corgi and Cuddles the Pit Bull would be in harmony while Daisy the Yorkie or Heinrich the Doberman would not.

Poem for the Inauguration

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I hope I’m wrong,

so wrong my name becomes slang

for a tragic blunder

as in, “Custer sure pulled a Wesick

at the Little Bighorn!”

 

I hope jobs return to the rust belt

and displaced workers

will now buy gold-plated mansions

and endow professorships at Harvard.

I hope the new president’s tweets

scare the beards off ISIS

and that from now on all terrorists

will come with big letter T’s

tattooed on their foreheads.

 

I hope greenhouse gasses

bring back the black rhino

and mountain gorilla.

I hope charter schools

turn out so many 14-year-old Ph.Ds.

that the Nobel committee goes bankrupt

from awarding all the prizes.

I hope the free market

lowers the cost of heart transplants

and cancer treatment to $1.95.

 

I hope doctors determine cake and ice cream

make the most nutritious breakfast

and that playing video games

burns more calories than running.

I hope high school students don’t need algebra

for high-tech careers and that cheerleaders

want to sleep with guys who can’t dance.

I hope I really can earn $100,000

by working 3 hours a week from home.

I hope our new president

rekindles the American dream.

 

This poem previously appeared on the New Verse News website.